The world angers me. Through this anger I have the disire to write out my thoughts,
so that maybe I can conclude an answer from my own mind. The answer lingers there
somewhere, it just isn't straight.
The anger that I feel isn't so much a rage as it is a sorrow-filled resentment of life.
If the world can make me feel such as this, I ponder what God feels when he takes a look
at his own creation. The pain, the sorrow, the never available correction of society.
For thousands of years, mankind has walked the shallow sands of the world, and we are yet
one of the only species that strives to make our own existance difficult.
If I could be rid of this place, I would probably take that opportunity. That said,
if I could in any way create a kind of new hope or see a light, so to speak, I would
prefer that instead. I can't help but feel this sense of supreme sadness about the world,
depression and death seem to fill my mind at times. Why can God let such things happen
to something that was supposed to be perfect in design; we couldn't have been more flawed.
In this state of critical thinking, I wonder what could be done to make the world a more
'happy' place, if such a thing could ever be acomplished.
I question whether or not the world as a whole is a spiritual being, acting according to
laws of natural selection and the balance of mother nature, thus the evil that is abundant
is merely a counter weight to the light. Or maybe God really does have a bigger picture
to be seen. The later is what I believe, not because I only would like to, but because it
makes logical sense to me. Why?
In everything that I see around me, somehow has a spiritual connection to the ceaseless
creator. The trees, the sky, cities, dungeons. Every physical thing was planned and created.
The position of the planet itself describes this. Again I become angry with the fact that some
people simply will not see this. We have eaten of the 'tree of the knowledge of good and evil',
and yet some people despise what they know is right, and choose the alternate course of action.
Ultimately, I think this is where the pain of human kind comes from. It is a friction in the
course of our lives; we are making something that should be as easy as a skiff on the water
into sandpaper on sandpaper. God has given us choice, and constantly we choose the rough path.
Why?
There are many possible ideas of why we are the way that we are... did God mean for this creation
to be flawed in many respects? Is it a learning experience for Him? Does He learn? Questions that only
bring upon more and more questions. Of course, God is the only one who can answer such things, and
we are foolish to even touch upon the subject. We seek clarity, because ultimately, we feel that we are
supreme to existance. Obviously, the lack of clarity is a symbol enough that we are not supreme. The
cattle in the feild have a better understanding of the majesty of existance than we as 'intelligents' do.
Sometimes, I get the sense that I can understand how Jesus must have felt when he took the fall for
humanity's sins. Almost like a last ditch effort to give our simple, corrupt souls a chance at what
we were intended for. Satan and mankind have become allies, and the pain and hatered towards God makes me
weep inside, somehow I can not articulate how I mean this. Maybe this is something for only me to understand.
I pray that God can somehow use this feeling inside me to use my soul, my body and my words for his work.
If there is one person out there that I can convey my confused understanding of any of this, and have it make
sense and bring them to God, His work will have been done.
